The Potential of Constraints
I don’t know about you all but, along with paying attention to how this pandemic continues to unfold and impact the heath, wellbeing and livelihood of so many, I’ve been paying close attention to what I’m discovering about myself, my life, and the world right now. And I have discovered a sense of purpose that I’ve never felt before and it feels like fire - like bright, forward moving energy: my purpose is to usher in the next era of a conscious humankind; to help as many people as possible to recognize the truth of their experiences, to identify who they will choose to be and what they will choose bring along (and, perhaps more importantly, what parts of themselves they will leave behind).
About 4 years ago, I wrote a blog post about life’s difficult experiences being like a giant strainer - if we let it - filtering out that what matters and that what doesn’t. That analogy keeps coming back to me, day after day, week after week during this global pandemic. And I think it’s absolutely as true now as it was then.
In our current reality, and in the very best case scenario, we are experiencing tremendous constraints - we can’t go anywhere, we can’t see or physically be near people we love (or, heck, even those we feel neutrally or negatively about!), we can’t do many of the things we enjoy and depend on for entertainment and fulfillment.
My brother, who is an amazing high school English Teacher, Varsity Soccer Coach, and fellow Truth Seeker, recently explained a soccer coaching technique that he utilizes from the book, Nonlinear Pedagogy in Skill Acquisition, called “Ecological Dynamics.” In Ecological Dynamics, “the environment created in which skills are discovered by the participants, or emerge naturally…. Constraints allow for environments to be limited so specific skills emerge as a result.”
As he described this to me, I had one of my head-exploding-dot-connecting moments that I love so very much - constraints have the capacity to paralyze us or make us grow (or paralyze us until there’s nothing to do but grow!) Constraints don’t keep us from what we want to achieve/do/be, the constraints force us to figure it out, to pave our own path from a totally different place - a much more intuitive and creative place, one that is much more closely aligned with our truest self. Constraints don’t lack potential, they ARE potential.
We must pay attention NOW, during these times of heavy constraint on many levels. We must deeply understand our experiences now, record them, make sense of them, so that THEN, when the pull to go back to things as they were, we can tether ourselves more securely to our truth, to what feels like an aligned life, a fulfilled and enriched life.
I was certified as a Life Coach by Martha Beck - lovingly referred to by many as “the original Life Coach.” In her coaching methodology, the Change Cycle begins in “Square 1” (picture a 4-squared window pane) - when we find ourselves wanting change, wishing to feel different, but we are unable to see a path forward. In part, that’s because it’s entirely unknown. It’s also because we only know the “self” that we’ve always been - a limited and conditioned version of ourselves.
In Square 1, we have to see the old self (who maybe still feels like our current self that we are desperately trying to hold onto), our old ways and know how those experiences made us feel. We also must begin to dismantle that old self so that there is space for a new self, for new ways of being in and in relationship to the world. This is usually an uncomfortable (even painful) process of dissolving, of letting go. But it’s guided by a wish that is stronger than the fear of the unknown.
This is the place we must start if we are to even begin to envision or imagine the life we really want. When we are wide open to imagining because we aren’t limited by “shoulds” and habits and old identities.
This whole global pandemic experience has launched most of us into the space between Squares 1 & 2 - the limitations and constraints to the life we’ve always lived have been placed upon us in a swift and intense way. And we have, therefore, been forced to let go of so much that had previously defined us. Not an easy or painless process but if we allow these changes to change us, to dissolve the parts it’s attempting to dissolve, what’s left is more space. In that space, we have the potential to discover and rediscover so much:
We are noticing what we deeply and honestly miss (and what we don’t at all!)
We are noticing a depth and richness to life, to what we see, what we are experiencing, to our relationships
We are seeing the immense value of connectivity and how to access it even “from a distance”
We are learning new ways of being and moving and doing
(If we didn’t before) We are appreciating nature and the healing spaciousness that being outdoors provides
We are flexing and stretching and growing into new versions of ourselves
I was talking with a dear friend the other day and I said, “I have so much hope for the world - for our humanity and for our earth - for the potential of this global crisis to wake us up to the precious gift of life on this earth and to show us what really matters - how to live with respect for the earth and for one another and how to be deeply fulfilled by so much less, materialistically, and so much more, emotionally, spiritually and energetically. But I also think that the nature of this massive catastrophe has to either last for such a long time that we forget our old ways OR that we have just enough time to so deeply love our new ways that we are unwilling to go back....”
I hope that we can all pay so much attention right now to the newness - to what we are discovering - so that we fall in love with a new way of being. The time will pass, the world will “reopen” and SO MUCH will invite us right back to where we were. So we need to be conscious now and conscious then, as we choose how to be in relationship to each other and the earth.
Live it —> Know it —> Choose it —> Live it